Review by Marcus Stalmer (originally reviewed on 4-13-05)
My friend Giraffe brought this album to a party I threw about a week ago. He told me it was cool so I decided to give it a chance. Everyone was just finishing off the Mexican food I got from El Deponer Burrito Stand for all my guests. Giraffe and I were sort of pissed when we found out that the faggots had drank up all my cases of Coors and bottles of Everclear and Tequila before we even got a chance to get at them but I blew it off and started thumping this record and I thought it was pretty good. It was a little different but everyone else at my party had a far different reaction. As soon as the song “Positive Tension” started playing everyone started complaining and telling me they didn’t feel well. Some of the pussies told me to turn the music down but I was barely starting to get into it so like a dick I turned it up louder. Then Jacques (yes I have a friend named Jacques) grabbed my camera and started fucking around but it was perfect because Freddy started blowing. I was pissed and I couldn’t believe that my so-called friends would put on such a fiasco when they didn’t agree with my choice of music. To barf when I put it on was just uncalled for. I mean they even barfed on my dog Rabies. I was kinda pissed but Rabies licked it off and went to bed. Thankfully that all went down in the backyard. Bloc Party was apparently pumping thru the whole place because I went inside and my girlfriend who just so happened to be in on the joke, she had puked and pretended to be passed out on my new barcalounger, that cunt. Very funny you fucking whore… guess what… I haven’t told you yet but as my girlfriend… you’re fired. Besides your sister sucks dick better anyways. At this point I was starting to get mad. Then I walk into my bathroom and find Brian. Oh what a surprise… he was in on it too. Well Hahaha you fucking dickheads. I always dreamed of growing up and having friends just like you gays… I mean guys (that’s what you call a Freudian slip, cocknauts). You come over and drink all my shit and then barf at my music choice like it was the new Priest album, fuck off.
-Mark
