Review by Marcus Stalmer
This one time when I was about fifteen I did the dumbest thing I had ever done. I bought a Lynyrd Skynyrd greatest hits album. I didn’t know any better and I think I was on drugs. Anyway I tried to get into it but every time I put it on all I could think of was trailer trash, rednecks and butt rockers… It pissed me off to great ends that I had wasted my hard earned money on that bullshit.
Several years later I was coming out of a grocery store and I saw some fat redneck bulldyke trailer trash bitch driving at me pumping some other type of trailer trash shit drowning out all other realities except for her failure of a life. It reminded me of Lynyrd Skynyrd and it made me enraged. I would have let it go but the dumpwhore almost ran me and my bag of groceries (primarily condoms) over. She slams on her brakes and starts screaming out her window at me. I couldn’t believe it. I got to my car and I decided to wait for her figuring the best way to murder her was where no one could witness me do it. She came out with like three carts and half of the store’s staff trying to get her bulldyke groceries into her bulldyke car. After that she began to drive off so I followed her to a part of town that I didn’t even know existed behind the refineries and just beside the sewage treatment plant. Of course she lived in a trailer… so she gets out of her car and I do exactly what she did to me… I damn near commit vehicular homicide in this bulldyke’s front dirt lot. So I’m honking my horn and banging some hardcore shit like DMX or something and the bitch actually comes at me. Right as she gets up to my door I open it as hard and as fast as I can knocking the bulldyke into her dirt. I get out of my car and hit her in the face with my crowbar and then I hop back in my car and start to back out… I was sure I had killed her but then she got up all dazed and shit, so I peeled out.
Anyway I fucking hate Lynyrd Skynyrd and all their fans.
-Mark
